So to many people's surprise,i havent really been in a relationship. The kind where i make a conscious and well informed decision to be with someone. The only 'close to a relationship' i've been is with a guy thats a year older than me. But that happened at a time when i had such a low self esteem(one of the reasons why my aim to raise very confident children-confident in agood way). So anyway, at that time i was overwhelmed by so much that the attention of a boy(backed up with some peer pressure) prompted me to say yes to him. I didnot bother to find out about him; i jusy jumped into the wargon and started to find out about him..little by little.
He fell madly in 'love' with me....and i thought i had too. But the mind, coupled with negativity isnt a good combination. I blindly went on with him telling myself eachday that i love him....that we'd be together forever!!! I wish someone would tell young girls the truth, teach them to love themselves, teach them that the reflection in the mirror maybe distorted by socially constructed ideas of 'beauty', tell them that they do not need a man to prove that they are beautiful. I wish i had known all this. I have 'wasted' 5years of his and my time because all we've done is feign love. And it breaks my heart so much!!
Well, in the process of finding out about him, i discovered that he is of a totally different religion! One i could hardly reconcile with. I was so torn and angry at him!!!! I would wage a battle in my head, arguing with an 'invisible' him in my head. Asking him why he did not tell me in the first place. But when all this settled, i realised it was all my fault for not being patient and trying to find out about him. I have hurt him and i hate myself for that.
But i am very thankful to him for loving me during the times when i felt ugliest.....
my darling girls/women, you are beautiful!!!!! do you know what God says about you??? You are precious to HIm. You are made in His image. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I try to imagine how much time and care God took creating us. Paying attention to every detail....how far your smile should stretch, how round your face should be, how each of your fingers should be formed......."...and He was pleased with what He saw."
Song of Solomon 6:4 "thou art beautiful, O my love,as Tirzah...."
Before you get into a relationship, you should be very comfortable being by yourself, you should define yourself in GOD. Do not be defined in as regards to someone else before you know your definition in a regards to God! Dont be Mrs.who before you know that you are a child of GOd, before you know how much He loves you, before you see yourself through His eyes, though the eyes of love, through the eyes of the one who loves you more than anyone ever could!!
"YOU ARE ALTOGETHER BEAUTIFUL, MY LOVE; THERE IS NO FLAW IN YOU." Song of Solomon 4:7
There ends my rant. God bless
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